Hmm

After a wrote that blog last night I began to realize how much I myself am messing up. I call myself a Christian, someone who is supposed to be an example for Christ to the world, yet all I was doing was being that stereotypical judgmental Christian. The thing is, my family members are not walking with God for a reason, and they all have a reason for trying to be so macho, so really my mindset, and really my focus in general, should not be one of superiority but one of love.
I have failed to do that as of late, but when God brings something like this to my attention, it is mandatory that I do something about it. So I am.

Visiting family

So the realization just came to me, that most of my extended family, is quite annoying. A lot of the guys here are trying to impress, or make themselves seem like such awesome people, and they do so by bragging about how they drink, steal, or about the various women they are in contact with. Now Donna and I both like my family, she loves my brothers, sister and my parents, but she, like me, are kind of tired of the rest of the guys here.

But at the same time they are family, so while they may drive me crazy, I'm stuck with them.

Anyway, Christmas was awesome, and I am looking forward to New Years, and going back to CA.

5 more days!

As the trip to GA gets closer, I get more and more excited. I really miss my family and am looking forward to seeing all of them. It's rough, it's been about a year since I've seen my folks and Daniel, and about 9 months since I've seen Kathleen, Adam, and Sophie, and about that same amount of time since I've seen Brandon. So for me the excitement is growing.

However, I know that this has got to be rough for Donna, this is going to be her first Christmas away from her family, and not only that but she is going to have to stay with a lot of people that she doesn't even know, and since she doesn't always like meeting new people this probably adds to her nervousness.
I just hope she'll understand that while she is leaving her family to visit mine, that she in reality is going to still be with family, because she is going to be, in about 6 months, a Glaize, and they are looking forward to loving her, if for no other reason than because I love her.

Now on a lighter note, my Mom gave me a list of meals that she is going to be making for us while we are there, and let me tell you, just the thought of them makes me drool a little bit, we're gonna have, roast beef, Lasagna, homemade Chicken Pot Pie, Steak, and so much more, and I for one am excited about that.

This is going to be a great Christmas, the last Christmas that I will be a non married man. That's an interesting and exciting thought!

That good man Joseph

I must say I am really beginning to feel for Joseph, the husband of Mary, especially now that I am madly in love with and betrothed to be married to Donna. Joseph was betrothed to Mary, and was getting ready to marry his beautiful bride when all of the sudden it turns out that she is pregnant. I cannot imagine the hurt that he must had initially felt, if all of the sudden Donna came to me and told me "I'm pregnant, but don't worry it's from the Holy Spirit." I would feel betrayed, and really angry that she would then try to blame God for what happened. Yet Joseph loved Mary, and God, enough that while he felt hurt, betrayed, and most likely angry, instead of having her be stoned to death, he decided to just put her away in secret, not wanting to expose Mary's shame.
That's love, and and I'm sure that's part of the reason that God chose Mary, because He knew what kind of man Joseph was. He loved Mary in the way that God intends all us men to love our lives.

I will say though It's good that God appeared to him in a dream and let him know that this pregnancy thing was legit.

It's the most wonderful time of the year!

I love Christmas! I love the whole season. The Christmas carols, everything being decorated with trees, lights and even the Santa Clauses, heck I even love the Christmas movies and television programs.

I especially love the fact that I am going to be able to see my family again this Christmas, after about a year of not seeing them, I am finally going to see my family, and Donna is finally going to get a chance to meet them. That is going to be awesome.

On an unrelated note I must say that almost immediately after posting that last blog, God and I have been doing a lot better. I've found myself lately just looking forward to reading God's word, and not wanting to stop once I start. It is quite nice. I love it.

Intimancy

It's what everyone longs for. We all at some point desire to be in an intimate relationship with someone. I have in many ways found that in Donna, and I am extremely happy with that. But as of late, I have come to realize that I really desire to have an intimate relationship with God.
See the more I fall in love with Donna, the more I realize just how much God loves me, yet at the same time I for the most part lack that relationship. I want Him to be my desire more than anything else, I want Him to be my passion, my love and my life completely, not just a part. But it's not there, there is a lack, and I'm finding that the more knowledge that I receive about Him only causes me to want to know Him on a personal level even more, but I don't know how.

I know that there is soo much more, I know that there is an intimacy with God that He desires me to have. But the fact is I don't have it, and I just don't know how to get to that point. I love God, the forgiveness and grace of Jesus is something that I cherish, but I want more. I don't want God to be there just so I can pray to Him when I am in need, I want intimacy, but I don't know where to go or how to get it. I see the examples in the Bible of men like Peter, or Paul, and examples just though people in my life, and I see that on some level they have a certain depth to their relationship that I lack.

Father I want more of you, and I don't care what you must do to me or in me, if it is going to cause me to know you more, then I am more than willing.

My Birthday!

So I know it's already been almost a week since my birthday, and so this is a little late getting out, but I decided to write about my birthday and then see where it goes from there. OK so here we go!!!

At 8:45, I was awakened to the sound of my phone ringing, I was tired from hanging out with my friends, after Trunk-Or-Treat, way late into the night. So when my phone rang I was in a bit of a daze. Upon answering my phone I was greeted with my family singing Happy Birthday in a pitch that while not really on key, was still pleasant because I loved them all and it was the same off key'dness that I've heard every year since I was little.

I then proceeded to talk with them for about a half hour. After that Donna came into my room, and I opened all the gifts that my family sent me this year. It was awesome. She then told me to get dressed ( I was in my pajamas) so that we could go. So after getting ready, Donna blindfolded me and off we went.

The first place she took me was to Boomers it's a place that has mini-golf, go-carts and various other games and stuff. After OWNING Donna at mini-golf, we went on the go-carts, where I raced this one kid who was really being a punk, so at one point I slammed his back wheel causing him to turn and slam into the wall making him stuck, and thus Aaron Glaize restored order to that go-cart track.

After boomers I was blindfolded again, and was then taken out to eat lunch at Panda Express!!! OH yeah you Orange Chicken and Bejing Beef, you cannot get better than that.

After eating we went out to the Aerospace museum, and had some educational moments. It was really cool to be able to learn all about the various aircrafts used during WWII, I really liked it.

After perusing the museum, we had some time to kill before the next event, and so Donna took me to Seaport Village. We spent time just looking at shops, and just laying on the grass and talking. It was nice and relaxing, and I loved it.

Soon after I was blindfolded again and taken to La Jolla beach were Donna had her family set up a candle lit picnic for us. They didn't stay however, I guess Donna assumed it would be less romantic that way, so Donna and I ate my favorite meal, Lasagna, and just sat on the beach, watched the sun set and talked about our future together. It was really an awesomely special time.

Finally Donna took me to the Cheesecake factory, where here family was waiting for us. We went in and had some FANTASTIC cheesecake. Well... at least I did, everyone else had other types of dessert.

When I finally got home at around 9 that night, I went into my room and found a gift from Donna's folks. They bought me an audio system for my iPod that was remote controlled. That was pretty awesome.

OK well that was my birthday, it really was one of the best birthdays that I have had in a long time, so thank you very much Donna. I love you.

Ok well that's all I want to talk about right now, maybe tomorrow I will write on a more current event.

Work happens...

So work sucks... but that's ok. Because the Lord is still doing stuff with and in me.

I passed!!!

After a week of being nervous, and having to endure such boring classes, I took the test to get my Health Insurance licence. That's right I'm awesome. The test was difficult, but that didn't stop this dude.

Thanks to all of you who prayed for me, I must say that that is more than anything else is what caused me to pass my test. So thanks to all of you, God really does answer prayer.

Work starts tomorrow.

Tomorrows test

So tomorrow is the big day, I have my test coming and it is the big one. If I don't pass it I wont be able to work, and that is really what scares me the most. However, I know that God is loving enough to help me pass the test if He wants me to, and so in that I have peace. I'm gonna study my hind quarters off today, but then that's all I can do at the end of the day.

Anyway so I went to the DMV today, and waited there for what seemed like a million hours in order to get my California Drivers licence and I found out that I had to take the test in order to get it... so I failed that. Which was kind of funny, especially since I still have my Ga. Licence I'm probably the only guy in there who failed the test and still drove home (legally).

Anyway Pray for me for tomorrow, I def. need it a lot. I'll be excited to get this over and done with, and actually get to start working. That will be nice.

It's comin'

With the one year coming up I decided to say that I am excited. I have never been in a relationship with a gal for anywhere near this length, which is exciting. That's exciting, with the one year coming up one thing that I've realized is that I am gonna need to step up my game. I'm not as good as I was at planning these elaborate romantic things as I used to be. I think it's all this TV that I'm watching, it's a known mathematic equation, that TV+time=brainlessness. Im pretty sure I saw something on 20/20 or something about that, besides you know that that's true because it is in a math problem. Anyway so I've pretty much planned what we are going to do for our anniversary, and have tried to be as romantic as possible... so we'll see how that goes. I guess if Donna not only tells you about it, but also then blogs about my romantic fortitude (did I use that word right? gosh I used to know, I blame that loss of memory on that one episode of scrubs where JD does stuff...) then we'll know that I did a good job.

On a side note, the other day upon coming back from the facilities, Donna pretended to fall asleep at the kitchen table. So I snuck up behind here and scared her. She knew I was coming, but when I roared or whatever sound I made, she jumped and bruised her knee. It was her fault, so if she tries to trick you into believing that I somehow purposely bruised her leg, do not believe it. She's a sneaky trickster...

Anyway all this to say that this Sunday, Donna and I will have been together for a year. And what a grand year it has been!!!

Employment

I hate not working, or having a job. To be able to provide for my wife. The problem is I lack experience, and so that makes things a lot harder. Unemployment I think is a lot harder for men, because there is something ingrained in us that causes us to want to provide for us. So if you know of anything good, let me know, and I guess what I'm saying is that I need you all to pray for me to find something.

Fun stuff

So lately I've been thinking about my childhood, and let me tell you I, for the most part, had a pretty good life. I remember playing with toys, playing the Avengers game on the trampoline, or even playing Donkey Kong Country 3, at night in the basement when the storms came and there were Tornado warnings. It's time like those that I look back on with fondness, and it causes me to miss my family. I especially right now miss my brothers. They are not just my brothers though, they are also my friends, so often I see siblings who hate each other, but that's not us, sure we may fight, but at the end of the day those two are probably some of my closest friends. I also miss my parents, and my sister and brother in law, and my Niece, I do wish I could be with them, and I hate that I cant be around them, and the thought makes me sad.

But then I think of the adventure that is ahead of me, the joys of getting married to my smart, beautiful and best of all God loving, Donna (she's got the full package), and how I am also getting involved with an amazing ministry here at Pathways being able to help with Overflow is just amazing, and something that I am excited to see what the Lord is going do with and through me in that ministry, and it makes me realize that while I miss my Family, He wants me here and so in that I'm content.

I know that God wants me here (for now) and who knows where He is going to send me in the next 5 years. So while I do love and miss my family, I realize that since God has me here, I am going to be more blessed doing what it is He wants me to do.

Growing up... slowly.

WIth less than 11 months till I am married to the beautiful Donna, I am beginning to get hit with a realization. I'm an adult. Now granted this is not something that surprised me, or even something that I didn't know before, but it just seems lately that the more I realize I need to do to be that husband, leader, and man that I am going to need to be, the more I realize that I am falling so short of this, this is for real, and I need to stop living like a kid who will have everything taken care of by another.

The more I get to know Donna, the more I realize that she is so much more ready to be that amazing wife, and wonderful mother (that part wont happen for years hopefully) than I am to be that great husband and loving father. I feel like I am missing something that I should inheritantly know like I somehow missed out on some major growing up event. Maybe it was the way I was raised, or maybe it's the fact that I tend to avoid difficult situations instead of confronting them head on, either way though I am at a point where I don't know what to do next or in those situations that I do know what to do, I don't know how.

I think for me the big issue is that while I know that this is something that everyone experiences, I at the same time am afraid that I am going to step out, try to be that amazing husband/provider for Donna and fail. Fail at being able to provide for her, fail at being able to lead her on the way of righteousness, fail to give her the security that she longs for.

Oh Lord, I am coming more and more to the conclusion that I am lacking in everything I need to be that husband, that leader, that MAN, that you are calling me to be. God I cannot guarentee her anything, so I am going to have to trust that you are going to provide for us as we are seeking to do what it is that you are calling us to. Help me to love Donna as you love your bride, the Church, and help me to grow up...

Unemployed

That's right, though this is not new news to most people I am no longer working at friendly grounds. Does this make me sad? No, it's a blessing, that just made me realize that the work that the Lord had for me there has apparently been complete. So I'm now anxiously awaiting what the Lord has for me next.

With that being said, I need a job. Not just a "college/high school" job either, something where I can "bring home the bacon," so to speak, so if you know of anything let me know. Until then I'll be filling out applications and praying for guidance and doing stuff.

Bros before um... schmoes?

Lately I have been hanging out with the guys a lot more, whether it is going out to Burger King with Brock, Starbucks with Nick, or to Panda Express with Luke, I have been spending a lot more time with the men of the college group, and I must say that it's been good. Never before have I felt like I had a group of brothers who I could open up to, it has been pretty sweet.

Anyway on an unrelated note, Donna and I have been cleaning her room and miracle of miracles happened, it is almost completely cleaned! That is pretty sweet if you ask me. It's nice to be able to see the floor, and not have to worry about tripping and falling to my death if I ever need to get something out of her room, so that's nice.

That's really the big stuff going on with me, since only like Donna reads this anyway I want to say hey babe, I love you! If anyone else reads this too um... hi, and um... leave a comment.

God is Good

Well it's been about two weeks since my last post so I decided that I should post again. As I sit here on the couch, with Donna napping at my side, I am just reflecting on the goodness of God. There are many things that are up in the air, finding a new job, figuring out how to help plan for our wedding, what I should do about health Insurance, what I'll be doing once Donna is gone at Bible College, and so many other unknowns. Yet though I don't really know what I am doing, or what's going to be going on in these next 11 months, one thing I do know. God is Good, and because of this I'm content.

God is the one teaching me to lead, He's the one showing me how to love, and even where it is I should be going. I love that while I am in myself an incapable individual, I am still strong in my weakness because it is at the weak points that I am relying on God a lot more. Lord continue to conform me to your image, I am constantly in need of that.

Anyway that's all, just a little praising of my Savior.

5 years ago

You know my life has changed significantly in the past 5 years. I was just thinking the other day about how much my life has changed since High School. All the good, and bad, times that have taken place and all the events that have transpired for the Lord to have placed me right here, right now.
Lets see in a list version I've
Been a youth pastor
Moved to Germany
Went to bible college in both Germany and England
Had my wisdom teeth removed
Graduated from Bible College
Met and got engaged to Donna
Moved back to Georgia and then to California

These are just a summary of the main events that have happened. It makes me wonder what the Lord has in store for me in the next five years, it leaves me both excited and curious. I love Jesus!

Recent Ponderings 1

(Editor's note: Has not been edited)

It's been a while since my last blog. But I think that's ok, it gave time for everyone and anyone to be sure to have read the last one before I prepared this one.

A lot has happened since that blog was posted, I moved to California, I got a car and a job. This blog isn't about any of those things though I probably have enough material for each to write an entire blog about it, and who knows maybe I will when I don't have anything else to do. But today is a special blog, one that is really about something that I have been thinking about for a little while.
As you may know the comedian George Carlin died the other day, now other than watching him on "Shining Times Station" where he played Mr. Conductor on the Thomas the Train TV show on PBS that I used to watch (in my defense PBS was the only channel we were allowed to watch for the most part) I didn't really know much about him. But it turns out, from reading various articles about him, that he was quite a rebellious crass man, who liked to make fun of, among other things, God.
Now I don't know where he was spiritually when he died, but assuming that he had not repented, this man who had made a career out of being rebellious is now paying for that choice for all eternity, separated from the God that he chose to mock instead of worship.
When I think of this or the many other men I see on TV or in books who blaspheme the Lord either for laughs, or just because they in their "brilliance" believe that an existence without God more suitable, I begin to feel three emotions at the same time. The first one that arises is anger, anger at the fact that they are mocking my Savior, and also because there are people who are going to believe what is written and they too are going to turn away from their only source of Life.
I then feel pity. I think to myself that these people are arrogantly marching themselves right into Hell. The feeling of pity quickly changes into sorrow. The fact that men like Voltaire, Lenin or George Carlin are now spending eternity apart from any hope, joy, friendship or love, makes me sad. Because no matter how much I may not like someone, or what someone stands for, I would not wish hell on anyone.
Yet there are many guys and gals, whether they be professors or friends, that I know who follow this same mindset, and I don't wind up in Hell like those before them.

Now this brings me to what I have been thinking about. 2 Timothy 2:23-26 says:

"Avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife. And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will."

The point I have been thinking about is two fold (Not three interestingly enough) and they both come from this passage.
The first one deals with avoiding arguments and quarrels. I find that when it comes to talking with those "intellectual" the first thing that they begin to do is argue, but we are not called to do that we are called to patiently teach in humility. This is something that I am bad at, because I am a debater, I like to debate biblical ideas but at the same time I know the old adage "you may win the debate, but lose their soul to Hell." And that makes me think of all the times that I have debated with someone about Christianity to the point where we both left angry, and I think over my answers for days, if not weeks, later (ask Donna, I'm constantly bringing up new arguments for my point of view in a debate I had with some person weeks beforehand).
But I've come to realize that my job is not to win arguments, it's to win souls. Which brings me to the next part of my thinking

"If God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth and that they may come to their senses..."
It's not really my job to win souls either. That's God's job, but yet how often do I assume that it's too late for those who are alive?
I watched a film a few months back called "Expelled" and I remember as I watched the film and how some of the men were talking about how, since they learned of evolution, they didn't need God anymore, and I remember a part of me thinking that they were hopeless, like they had no chance for Salvation. I also think of all these people who are in cults, or are just sooo lost, and I honestly don't see them ever getting saved. While I would not have admitted it I, in some ways, figured that they were lost causes. But I guess many could say the same about Paul, or C.S. Lewis, or many other men of God who initially weren't.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to God, (which then raises questions about sovereignty vs. Free will but I'll maybe talk about that in another special edition blog.)
Ok this was a bit long, and I honestly didn't intend to type this much or stay up this late, but I will say for now, I am going to be making a list of all those people who I've thought were too far gone, and I'm not going to give up on them, I am going to start praying for them and if possible talking to them, who knows "perhaps God will grant them repentance... that they may come to their senses."

An Engagement (The Aaron and Donna Story)

It all started on a cold rainy night in England, where I asked Donna Blaisdell to be my girlfriend. From that point on the Lord began to knit our hearts more and more together. (We'll one day tell the entire story, but as for now we are just going to tell the engagement portion of this grand tale.) About a month and a half later I told her that it was my intention to eventually marry her.
Flashing forward to the end of that semester, I gave her my ring as a "statement of intention" and it was at that point that we both knew that we were going to one day marry each other, and that is where this story picks up. Starting with the amazing Aaron's portion, followed by the mega beauty/super foxy Donna's.

Aaron's Portion

On December 15th, my love left England, taking with her both my ring and my heart. Thoughts were flowing through my mind, about how excited I was, but at that point I was also nervous. My parents had spent the evening talking with her, and I was afraid that they would for whatever reason not like her. But on the train to the airport, we talked about how she was the one I was planning to marry, and they surprisingly responded with joy. They said that they liked her, and that they could see how much I loved her and so since they trusted my judgment they said that they supported me in this.
I was in Germany through Christmas, and I tried to figure out how and when to find the time to talk to her (there's about a 9 hour difference between California and Germany) but somehow we were able to talk every day, and soon after I moved in with my sister and her husband in Georgia.
It was there that I was faced with the fear that because we could only communicate via skype, we would slowly grow apart. But instead the exact opposite happened. We fell more in love with each other, and I wanted more and more to marry her. So around Valentine's day, I began to search for the perfect ring. The one that I could afford and at the same time would be beautiful, and I found it at Friedman's Jeweler's. So after much prayer, and searching, I bought the ring. But I was now faced with the task of figuring out how I was going to propose to her, and also what it is I would say when it came to asking her Father for her hand.
Now Donna knew that I was planning to propose, but I wanted the when and where to be a surprise, so I told her that I wanted to wait to propose until she came to visit in June, and I also got her mom to help me in this facade. Meanwhile she helped me figure out places to propose.
Finally after being apart for 3 months I finally arrived in Santee, to see my beautiful babe. And with that came the stress that came in the form of her dad. I knew that he knew that I wanted to ask him, but at the same time, I was unsure how it was that he was going to respond, so in my mind I was trying to answer all the questions that he may even possibly ask me, because Donna's hand/his blessing was something that was important to me.
So that Sunday I took him out for coffee, and on the way there we talked small talk, but I was FREAKING OUT on the inside. So we went to starbucks, and he asked me why I had taken him out. So I told him that I was in love with Donna, and that I wanted her hand in marriage. His response surprised me, because instead of an interrogation he just said "Yes. I have spent the last 20 years trying to figure out what I was going to say to the man who asked me this, but I don't feel that I need to to threaten or interrogate you. It's obvious that you love my daughter, and you make her happy, and so I give you my blessing." It was at that point that it felt like a weight was lifted off me, I was at this point free to propose to Donna and I knew when and where I was going to do it.
On Wednesday March 19th 2008, I took Donna out for a "dress date" we dressed up nice and I took her out to Olive Garden. After that we went to Balboa park to walk around. It was Donna's favorite park, filled with nice gardens and various other paths and stuff. When we got there Donna began to explain to me all the amazing things about the area, and why it is that she loved the place, and what everything is. But, to be honest, at this time I didn't really pay attention to anything that she was saying. All I was thinking was, where can I propose to Donna? Where would it be nice? Finally we went to the Organ Pavillion, and it was there that we went on the stage and I decided that that would be the place. So as Donna was about to walk away, I grabbed her hand and said "Wait a second." I then took her other hand and said "Ever since that day in Rome... I mean in the laundry room where we were talking about Rome, I knew that I wanted you to be my bride, and ever since that day I have been trying to think of what I would say when this moment came. But to be honest at this point my mind is going blank. I love you Donna, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." I then got on one knee and then said "So I guess what I am trying to say is, Donna Mae Blaisdell will you marry me?" Donna at this point was smiling from ear to ear and she said "Yes!" So I put the ring on her finger, and we kissed for the first time as fiances. We then walked hand and hand together around in the area, smiling and talking about how we are now officially engaged. Donna called her mom and told her, and then after Donna went to the bathroom, we went back to her house and her mom took pictures.

The Real Story from Donna
so starting from when i left england...
i was a mess that day what with dorm cleaning and meeting his family for the first time and the graduation there was a lot going on in my brain. but the thought that my mind was obsessing over was that "i am leaving aaron tonight and trusting that this is what god wants for us and that He will watch over this relationship while we are apart." you always hear about bible college romances and how they last for a season, then are over a few weeks after the semester ends. i didn't want that i loved him and i knew very early on that he was the man i wanted to marry. so before i left while we stood outside in the freezing cold he gave me his ring and told be that it stood for 3 things our purity in this relationship, a reminder of his love for me, and a "statement of intention". early the next morning we said goodbye and amidst tears and hugs and kisses. when we were waiting for the train i told my friend lauren about the ring and she told me she knew it was from god this relationship, because we fit together like puzzle pieces. when i got home i missed him so much and all i wanted to do was talk to him on skype but i had work and school to get back to so we struggled to find time to talk to each other. when he moved to georgia it was easier and we would talk for hours. learning everything about one another. we talked about marriage and what we wanted for our future and i knew when he was looking for rings. i thought i knew he was going to propose when he came out in the spring but between him and my mom they had me convinced that he would wait till that june. so when he came out i knew he was asking my dad for my hand in marriage and that he was incredibly nervous about it. we prayed about it before he went to talk to him and i knew it would go well. when we were at my college group that night he told me and my friends how it went and it was all good news! and as far as i knew that was the only progress in that area that would be going on while he was here. we wanted to go in a fancy date where we dressed up and went out to eat some where nice so we did that wednesday and it was fun. i thought at the beginning of the night that he might propose that evening so when i realized my purity ring was not on my hand i asked him if when we go back i should could pu tit on. he said sure and so in my mind if i would be wearing my ring, then that meant he didn't plan on putting another one on there and therefore no proposal that night. not that i was upset, because i just figured it would happen this summer. so we went home and i grabbed my jacket and ring before heading off to Balboa park my favorite place in all of san diego. it's filled with great museums and gardens and the buildings are so cool. so we were walking around and i was talking the whole time telling aaron about different times i had been to the park, and different places that had stories attached to them for me. when we got to the organ pavilion i was telling him how people get married here all the time and how beautiful it was so we walked down the aisle towards the stage and we got up there and i was still taking about who knows what now when he stopped me as i was about to go off to the next place. that's when i knew. i looked at his face and i saw what he was thinking before he said a word and i knew this was the moment i had been waiting for since i left england. he started talking and all i could think was " he's asking me to marry him. I'm gong to be his fiance after this moment." i only caught the first part of what he said about how when we were in the laundry room talking about rome and how we weren't going to go then he knew i was the one god had for him and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. then he got down on one knee and asked me. it was perfect perfect man perfect time perfect place all before God. we prayed afterwards that God would be the center of our relations ship, and dedicated it once again to Him. then we walked into the light so i could see the ring better; it was gorgeous. after that we walked around some more and i pointed out more buildings, and we talked a lot, not sure if aaron remembers any of what i told him about the park so we will have to go there again sometime but i'm ok with that.

This is our story so far, it's still being written, by God, and it will be the greatest adventure we could ever take part in. We can only imagine how great it will be to serve the Lord together and to carry out His work as a team. He made us for each other and we will complement one another in ways we never could have imagined. It's better to let God be our story teller and to enjoy the moment He has us in now. it is always changing and always something new but still feels like a favorite pair of jeans, comfortable and leaving you feeling confidant in each step you take.

6 Days!

I am really excited, in 6 days I am going to be going to SoCal to visit Donna. I miss her so much, and so being able to be at the same place that she is, is going to be nice. I am really excited, and I get to go to the Zoo. That is going to be awesome.

No good reason

Well most of the time I write posts because I have something to say, or because cool stuff is going on in my life. And while Jesus is continuing to work on my heart, and transforming me more and more into His image daily, there really is not too much to report. But I'll just keep writing and see what I'll come up with.

Well last Wednesday I went to a job interview at Geico, and I found out that I had both the aptitude and the personality for sales, and they were saying that I was essentially everything that they wanted in an employee. They were offering me a job that would pay 45-50 thousand a year plus bonuses which I would recieve with every sale. I also would have medical, dental, and car insurance paid for. So I was at first excited.
However then they said that I needed to make at least a 2 year commitment, and they would want me to start a career in it. It was at that time I saw myself working there, getting promotions, eventually making 70,000-90,000 a year and having an office job. It was there it was safe, and it made sense.
But that is not what the Lord would have for me, I know that He has a calling on my life. He has given me this passion for the word, and for full time ministry. This job would mean financial security, I wouldn't have to worry about my job, or money or any of that. In essence I wouldn't have to rely on the Lord, nor would I have to persue His calling for me life.
That all flashed before me, and while the idea sounded nice I turned it down.

Anyway on a lighter note, the countdown is on, it's less than a 3 weeks till I get to see my beautiful, amazing, lovely Donna. For those of you who read this blog who don't already know I am madly in love Donna Mae Blaisdell. She is a blessing.

College group

Today I decided to check out the college group at Southside Baptist church. It was pretty cool. The leaders there really made a concerted effort to make sure that I was getting plugged in and making sure that the people noticed me which was appreciated. I notice that when it's just me, I tend to be quiet, which isn't exactly the way one goes about making friends, I need a wingman, someone who I know as backup, and so it was interesting going today because I lacked that wingman.

Anyway the lesson today was about relationships (since tommorrow is Valentine's day). The lesson essentially was an acronym, TOADS and it represented what people need in order to have a healthy relationship
Trust
Openness
Affirmation
Dating
Seeking the Lord

It was pretty good I guess, but I really enjoyed being able to hang out with a bunch of believers specifically Christian guys. I've realized that I need bros, and it's good that there are a lot of cool guys there. Hopefully I can find a brother who I can really talk to.

so anyway it was pretty good and I think that I am going to go back, hopefully I can make some good friends there and get plugged into some bible studies.

Today

So this blog wont be too long, but there are 3 things that happened today.
1. I finally got a job, I'm not working at Logan's Steakhouse. The manager seems to be pretty nice, and I get to finally be making money so that's cool.
2. I did it as you can see in the picture I shaved my gotee, not necessarily because I wanted to, but it was one of those things that I kept saying that I would do but never wanted to, but because Donna wanted to see what I looked like without it, and because Adam shaved his off too, I deciede to. I hate it though so Donna had better not like it.
3. Um... I was going to send my valentine's package for Donna today but the post office was closed so that stinks.

Yeah I look fat I hate being clean shaven... so it wont happen again so enjoy it while it lasts.

Grace pt. 1

I've grown up in a christian home, and in fact I have known the definitions to such words as predestination, atonement, and even transsubstantiation, since I was a kid. I grew up living a life that said "I'm a Christian and here's why..." the problem is that while I knew a of a lot of things about the Word, there was a key principle, a key idea that I was never taught. That was the idea of grace. Sure I may have been able to define what grace was "God's unmerited favor" but the reality is the definition without a full understanding is lacking power.
I was talking with Donna last night about the whole job thing, and the thing is I kept coming back to the idea that I needed to do something, I needed to be better, I needed to search harder etc. But as we were talking it hit me, so much of how I see my life, and my relationship with Christ is based on how I live for Him. That's how I was trained all my life to view that relationship.
However something began to really strike me in bible college, and that was the idea that it's not about what I do for Him, it's about who I am in Him.
That more than anything has been something that I have been struggling with. It's grace, and the stuff I learned about it shows just my vast lack of understanding of what it truly means to live under grace. It's not the way that I have been taught to live, and it's not the way that I have necessarily been living, but it is the core to my relationship with God. Grace shouts "you do not deserve anything that I have been giving you, so stop trying."
Anyway so I have started to read the book "Why Grace Changes Everything" by Chuck Smith, and to be quite honest as I have just read the first two chapters so far I have felt so... freed. I don't know any other way to express it.
So far there has not really been anything that I have not intellectually known, but it is stuff that my heart has had trouble accepting and believing. But this time as I consider these things, I pray through them. I stop consider what I read and the type of ramifications this stuff will have on my life if I truly believe them, and I have been blown away. Here are the three main things that the Lord has spoken to me through this book so far:

1. Nothing I do, good or bad, can change my standing before God.
2.I am no more righteous than anyone else, nor is anyone more righteous than I am. It's not based on me at all, it's all based on Christ.
3. Anything and everything that is good in us, even things that we may not consider (such as a hard working spirit, a good memory, or the ability to overcome) are all gifts from God and not things we have to muster ourselves.

All of these things are all based on grace, and it when we are in Christ, that we can gain these.

Anyway I'll keep posting on the stuff I have been learning about grace. This has been such a blessing so far, and I am excited to hear what the Lord is going to show me as I continue studying.

So it's Monday

Well I determined today to write a blog about something. But I am trying to think of a good topic to talk about here on my blog, but as or right now I am not exactly sure what to put so I am just writing hoping that something comes to me.
So as of right now nothing is coming to me. I've noticed something though, just how much tv and stuff that the people watch, yet at the same time I've noticed how stupider and stupider television is becoming. So I don't think I am going to have cable or anything when I get my own place, if I really want to watch something I'll watch it on iTunes.

Donna knits

that's right she is a nifty knitter.

My Bride list

I sent this list the other day to Donna. But I think that all of these are probably all things that a man of God should look for in his bride. Now granted there might be other stuff and an individual would add, but I think for me this about covers it. This list is broad so I didn't necessarily list everything specifically (ex. I didn't say what I find attractive) but still, I think it's pretty good.

1. Most important is that she has to be not just a Christian but also seeking to be walking with the Lord.
The reality is there are a lot of people who are content with where they are in Jesus. But not her, she seeks the grow, not that she is perfect, no. if she were I wouldn't be able to marry, or even date her because I am far from perfect. It is not about the mistakes that she has made or is making, it is about her seeking God out even in those mistakes.

2. I must find her attractive.
This of course is both a physical and a personality thing. If I don't find them attractive then of course I could not stay with them long.

3. She can't have a calling that conflicts with mine.
We are all called of the Lord to do great things, and whether that thing is to go plant a church in Florida, go be a missionary in China, or just be a witness at your work. Now I feel called to be a pastor, but if the and so my brides calling cannot be something that conflicts with mine because that in turn would create a conflict, and that is not desirable.

4. She needs to be willing to submit to me.
This of course is probably out of all of these, the hardest one for the women to accept. However I need a bride who is going to submit. That is the biblical principle, and just as I am called to love her like Christ loves the church, so she is called to submit to my authority. Now this does not mean that she is to be a slave, no. Far from it, it is more like we are a team, and I am the team captain, and since we are a team it is my responsibility to do what I think is best for it, and it is the brides job to submit to that. It is hard I understand that, and I will do whatever I can to be the kind of leader that my bride will both love and respect, but still this is something that is a requirement of mine, mostly because that is requirement of God.

5. She needs to call me out when I am in sin.
Now submission does not mean that if I am sinning, that she is supposed to stay silent. There are going to be times where I am going to not be loving, where I am going to not be that model for Christ, and while I would want her to do it lovingly, and also only after it being a repeated offense where I aparently am blind to the sin. It is in those times where I would want her to take me to the side and lovingly call me out.

6. She needs to find me funny.
I like making people laugh, and so if the girl found me completely boring, I don't know if I could handle that.

7. She needs to be able to get me, to be willing to have all those silly conversations.
I can picture it now, the middle of the night, with us both laying in bed, I say to my bride, "If nobody buys a ticket to a movie do they still show it?" and we then discuss. I want a woman who I can be silly with, and she will be silly back. Yet at the same time she can also be serious too when the occasion arises. (It should be noted though that silly and stupid are two different things, and so if I were to do something stupid, like ride down the stairs head first backwards, I wouldn't expect her to cheer me on, instead I think in those situations it would be better for her to try to discourage that.)

8. She needs to know that as my bride her first calling is to me.
This kind of goes along with #3. My bride needs to remember that though others are important, her first calling is to be a helpmate to me. That biblically should be more important than any ministry she may have, including children. Now that is not to say that I am going to be inept and in need of her 24/7, but so often relationships become strained because they lose forget the importance of their spousalhood. This goes for me too of course, my first calling would be to my wife.

9. She needs to let me be romantic and chivalrous.
Now I can at times be both romantic and chivalrous. But we live in a new age, where women don't want that kind of stuff anymore. However because I can't help but be those at times, I need a woman who still wants that.

10. I need to be in love with her.
Now this of course goes without saying. However a woman could fulfill all of these other requirements, but if I don't love them, then I of course would not marry them.

Jobs

I'm getting frustrated. I'm tired of filling out out millions of applications only to find out that I am either not qualified or the business is not hiring. It's frustrating to say the very least. The thing is I don't know what to do. I know on one hand the reality is at this point there really isn't anything I can do other than put in more applications, and the other hand is the reality that the Lord is the one who will choose my future job. Whether that is being a server or a youth director, it all depends on what the Lord would want me to do, because the reality is while those things may be my job, my life is to glorify God, and so that is what I want to do. God is the one who initiates the employment.
The question for me though is how much am I supposed to do? On one hand the bible is constantly saying that we are to wait on the Lord, and I know this. But on the other hand I know that I am not supposed to sit around and do nothing either. So the question is when am I supposed to stop and just wait on the Lord? The hard thing is just waiting, because I feel like a slacker, but I just don't know... I guess it really all comes down to what the Lord is calling me to do, does He want me to continue to go and find a job or does He want me to just patiently wait on the Lord? I just don't know, and for that reason I'm frustrated. But that's ok.

Seinfeld, jobs, love and a baby.

So lately I have been realizing something about myself. Things that I once may have enjoyed, just do not have the joy that they used to, for example, I used to really love the show Seinfeld, yet jokes about sex or against the Lord, which have been showing up more and more on the television, have really as of late been a turn off for me. Bad language itself has kind of been the same, no longer can I enjoy a film where every other word is an F-bomb. This is weird, but also exciting, because it is showing me that the Lord really is at work. That He continually fulfilling Philippians 1:6 in my life. He not only began a good work in me, but He will continue to do so until the day of Christ Jesus, and He is. That exciting, because these are changes that I didn't even really notice taking place, yet they did, and that is cool.
I have been looking for a job lately, but no one seems to be hiring, this stinks because I want/need money. But I will hopfully get something soon. Friday I have a job interview and we'll see how that goes. Hopefully well.
I have lately comes to the realization that I am madly in love with Donna. As she pour her heart out to me last night, I became aware of the fact that though I loved her, that as we talked there was a depth of love for her that I was reaching which I could hardly conprehend, yet alone describe. I know that this all comes from the Lord, I don't think the world's love has the capacity to reach such a depth because it cannot love with the agape love. The reality is though that I cannot love her with that kind of love either, I must rely on the Lord to continue to teach me how because I wont be able to love her like He loves the church with Him. So I need to seek Him out because as I do so, I will in turn become that love.
Finally, Sophia is the cutest baby in the world, and she makes me realize why people want to have children. It's weird how a niece can do that to you, I've had a bunch of opportunities to watch her, or to go and feed her or to just carry her in my arms until she stops crying, and let me tell you, when the childen are blood, when they are family, they become all the more amazing. It's not that I hated kids, but it was more that I was impatient with them, but the baby is def. making that impatience go away. Anyway all this to say that while I wanted them before, I am sure that I want children now.

So that was fun and long, I don't usually know what to put in blogs so I just threw all that out there hope it makes sense.

First blogs are always the hardest

Well today I decided to create a blog. Mostly because I will have a place to basically just talk about whatever it is I want to talk about, whether it is what is going on in my life or what is going on in my walk, or whatever. I'll actually write on this thing later today, but for right now this is all you are gonna get.