And then it gets rough.

Anyway, so I have a new layout, I got tired of my old one, and I figured it was time for a change... I hope you like it, I know I do.

So this week has been hard. On Saturday night I got sick, and I got worse. On Monday I went to class, and I was so sick that I went home after my first class and slept, but because it was my second day, I still went to work. And then on Wednesday Donna caught my illness. My mom thinks it was the swine flu, but because I didn't grow a curly tail, and have an intense desire to roll in the mud (at least any more than usual) I think it might have just been the regular flu. I'm finally feeling not dead, and I think Donna is feeling much better as well.

Yesterday, when driving to class, my car started to sputter, and eventually died. Praise the Lord that it died right by a mechanic, which was also in walking distance from where I live, so I was able to drop it off there and walk home. Long story short, it cost 425 to repair and it still needs more maintenance done to it, but it at least drives...

So, all that to say that this week was rough. But God was good, and kept us alive and going, even when in my tiredness and frustration, I began to doubt Him. Thank you Lord for providing for us, and keeping us safe. Please continue to do so.

Anyway, something else I noticed is that I lack discipline. Especially when it comes to the areas of daily devotion and prayer . Now I know that this is something a lot of people struggle with, but I'm seeing all the more now how much I NEED it. While this is of course obvious to any believer, it has really been hitting me hard lately.

It all started the other day when Donna was at Starbucks, and, long story short a man walked by her and and said "I just wanted to say, that I felt lead to tell you that God cherishes His time with you." When she told me that story, I could just hear God say to me, "I cherish my time with you too." And I realized that I do not spend enough time with Him.

Now you'd think that that would have changed my heart and I am now spending hours upon hours with Him. But the truth is, while for that day, things may have been better, I got preoccupied with other things, and next thing you know I realize that I have not spent time with God in over a week. Sure I go to class and learn about the Word, sure I may go to church and worship and hear a good sermon, but how much time have I spent before the Throne of Grace myself? Little.

And when I do come to Him it's usually because I have a problem, or because I feel guilted into it. And I hate that.
Yet this has been a consistent pattern in my life...

Now, I'm not entirely sure how, but this has got to change. Because God is way too important not to be the number 1 priority in my life.

My life, or something like it.

Well, I know it has been a while since I last updated this thing, and that's just because life has become really busy as of late, which kind of stinks, because it causes me to realize just undisciplined I am. It also makes me feel frazzled.

To start off the apartment is cool, and it is really finally starting to feel like home. We have pretty much got everything put away, which is nice. We just need to figure out what to put on the walls and we'll be completely here. I gave my Dad the virtual tour via skype, it's nice here.

School is alright, the classes are alright, but I've found this past week at least, that I really had the wrong motivation when it came to homework, I've been doing it just to get it done, but not with the type of introspective thought that should be going into it. Plus, I've found that I'm trying to just show everyone how smart I am. Which sadly is working, people have been complimenting me on it, but that's just a pride issue. I should be there to learn not to show off. On the bright side since I recognized these things I can change.
I will say though that it has been good. The teachers really love Jesus, and I can tell that through talking to them, and seeing them, and I know that there is a lot that I can learn from them.
The latest news, I got a job at a comic book store! It was cool, I had been looking around for a job, and I asked the guy if they were hiring and he said that he was quitting within the next week, and told me to turn in an application, so I went and applied on Wednesday and the owner told me that while that store wasn't hiring, the other one he owed down the road was. So after a 30 minute interview about which comics I read, and how reliable I am, I got the job provided I could find the other store.
So I did and I the people there were really awesome. I've only been there for a little while, but I think I'll be liking it.

So, anyway, if you are reading this, I probably miss you. I hope that things are going well.

2 weeks till my birthday!

-Aaron

Quick update

Hey all,
I was reading my past blog, and I realized that that was probably a bad one to have as the last blog up at the time. While it was an honest representation of what I was feeling at that time... I'm doing better.
Anyway, I will hopefully have a new post up soon, I've been super busy with school, being married, and life. But expect a new post soon.
Aaron

Much prayer wanted

Well school started last thursday, and I am now about halfway through my first week there. Donna and I are still in the process of moving into our apartment, and we are excited that we finally got internet in this place.

But meanwhile, things between me and the Lord don't seem as fine. Lately, I've been feeling like He's disappointed in me, and I've been also feeling sometimes almost overwhelming feelings of fear, and worry, about class, about finances, about time management, and to top it off, I have been feeling spiritually inadequate when it comes to the school of ministry.
I talk to the guys, and they all have ministries they are all involved in, and they just seem to be on a spiritual level way past me, which makes it very hard to try to relate to. and I just feel... frustrated I guess. and I hate it, I'm supposed to be the one who is encouraging Donna, but I find that she more often is the one who has to encourage me. I just feel like a shadow has descended upon me.

Now I know that to some degree that this is a spiritual attack, and also to some degree it is just because I feel uncomfortable. But I just need that peace that comes from the Lord, I need His guidance, and I need His strength. So if you all could pray for me about that that would be awesome.

Now one of my favorite titles of God is redeemer. How He takes what is broken down, that which is messy and worthless to many people, and how He takes it and makes something new, and beautiful out of it. God I pray that you do that. Redeem this time, use even this time of trial and make something beautiful out of it. I do not want to spend this time being a mopey sourpuss. So God take this time, and make something out of it. Something that glorifies you.

Sorry if this post was a bit down. But being able to write this out actually helped me to process this stuff a lot quicker and better.

Prayer

It's only 2 weeks before the School of ministry begins, and we still do not have an apartment, or any form of gainful employment. And this is frustrating me to no end, I know that God wants me here, I know that He wants me to be going go the school of ministry, yet He still has not given me what I need to be able to survive there, and I hate that.

I hear about those stories of God coming in at the last minute and providing everything that people need, and I am hoping that that will be the case with us as well. But what if I read the signals wrong? What if I am not called to go to Costa Mesa, what then? I have placed all my attention on this one thing because I felt that that is where the Lord is leading me, and I really have no backup plan. So if you could pray for me and Donna right now about that that would be great, you can read the rest of my blog when you are done, it'll still be here.

Lately, because of this situation, I have been praying a lot. However, something that Donna mentioned to me in passing really made me think. Where has my prayer focus been lately? Prayer is supposed to be communication between me and God, however, I believe that I have begun to mess that idea up.
See, as of late, my prayers consist primarily of me asking God for things, like a job, or an apartment, or peace, or many other things. Now praying for these things are not bad. But, my prayer life has switched from spending time talking with and getting to know God, to that of a boy only talking to his Father so that he can get something. I'm reminded of the movie "Fools Gold" (The movie was ok, not really worth seeing). Now in that movie, we have a rich father, whose relationship with his daughter essentially revolves around her asking her dad for things, and then him giving them to her.
That's not what God wants, and that is not what I want. Paul commands us in 1 Thessalonians 5 to pray without ceasing. While this shows us how our attitude should be, one of constant communication with our Lord, it also shows us God's heart in that He wants to be a part of every activity. He wants to be intimately involved with every activity, and sadly instead I mostly only come to Him when I need money.

It is so good to hear when God tells me these things. So now as I pray I'm not just going to give God my list of things I need, but instead meditate on Him, and His Word, and spend time in Koininia with Him.

Costa Mesa, The Aspens, and more!

Well, just yesterday Donna and I got back from visiting Costa Mesa, and let me tell you it was pretty interesting. Sunday we went to Chuck Smith's church (which you can read about by going to Donna's blog which is right there on the right hand side of this page marked "Donna Lovie.") The next day Donna and I spent most of the day looking at apartments, and it began to get frustrating, most of the places we looked were too expensive, and it was hot outside. So, being tired and warm, Donna and I began to grouch at each other, Donna would complain about my driving, I would complain that she needs to quit nagging me... it was a whole deal. Around this time, I had us stop, and we prayed, about the apartment situation, and about our attitudes, just giving them up to the Lord, and asking Him for wisdom.
It was then, that we discovered the most amazing apartments in existence. The Apartments were known as the Aspens, and the atmosphere there was amazing, it was close to the school, and at a price that we could afford, 1 bedroom, 1 bath, gated community, with 4 swimming pools. It was amazing. This all leads back to really what I wanted to briefly talk about.

That night, as Donna was sleeping, I became filled with doubts. I was attacked with questions and statements going anywhere from "How are you going to afford to live, here? Where are you going to get a job?" "All this stuff is too big of a hassle. This calling to ministry is for other people who have more faith, just go back to San Diego, and get a job in construction or something." to "With both of you having to work, you'll never see each other and Donna will eventually leave you for someone who will be able to give her quality time." All of these I knew weren't from God, but I just felt overwhelmed by this attack.

I was freaking out. So I got up, and meditated on the Word. God gave me two passages that really encouraged me. Matthew 7:7-11, and 1 Timothy 6:17.

Through the Matthew Passage, I was reminded that God is good, all His gifts are good, and He loves giving gifts to His children when we ask him for them. So often I subconsciously think that God gives, but only the bare minimum, or gives gifts that are good for me, but not something that I want. Like getting socks for your birthday from your grandparents when you really wanted a transformer.
-This passage reminded me though, that God loves giving gifts to his children, and that I shouldn't expect the gifts God gives to me to suck.

In the other passage, Paul commands that those who are rich to not put their trust in their riches, but instead in Him who gives us all thing.
My fears, were based on the fact that I was trying to do just that. I was trying to figure out a way to get enough riches to be able to afford everything, and it was bringing me to a point of despair. While I am in no way rich, I was trying to trust my own abilities, my own schemes, as a way to figure out how to survive, instead of trusting in the God who is able to do more than we can ask or think.

Really my issue came down to my lack of faith in the Lord, I said that I trusted Him, but the reality is my attitude proved otherwise. So that night I wrote out all my doubts and fears onto a piece of paper, and like Hezekiah in 2 Kings 19, I spread this piece of paper out before the Lord. It was at that point that I truly through much prayer and tears, that I finally gave it all over to my Jesus. And like Philippians 4:6-7 said, the peace of God which transcends all understanding began to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Where there was once fear there was now joy, where there was dread there was now excitement.

Now I don't know how this is going to work out, where we are going to live, or where we are going to work. But like a kid who is moving away, not entirely sure where he's going. I trust that my Dad will handle all the details.

My 1st post as a married man!

Wow, it's my first blog as a married man. How exciting.
Well I guess I should be talking about the wedding, but to be honest, it was kind of a blur. I'm sure once I see the pictures I will remember everything. All I really remember was seeing Donna in that dress for the first time... To be quite honest it blew me away. She looked beautiful. I'm sure I was smiling from ear to ear, interestingly enough it wasn't until that moment that it truly hit me that I was going to marry this woman, and that gave me joy.

The honeymoon was amazing! Donna and I got a 3 day pass to Disneyland, and it was nice being able to just go to the park at our leisure. The weather was great, and the lines were not very long at all. In fact Donna and I talked about it, and we don't think that we waited longer than 20 minutes for any ride.
The hotel we stayed at was also pretty nice as well, and we got an awesome deal, we stayed in the travelodge, which was within walking distance to the park, and because we reserved the rooms early, the hotel was only $55, a night which was an amazing deal, especially for that area.
It's nice being back in San Diego, but now that we are married, Donna and I both feel the urge to go off on our own. It's really true what the Bible says about the man leaving his parents and being joined to his wife, we are ready to completely leave the "child stage" and enter into a whole new stage of life. That's not to say that I don't love Donna's folks, because I do, they are amazing, but it's time to have us go out and stand on our own two feet (With the Lord's help)

As many of you probably know, Donna and I both have jobs right now which is nice, Donna is working for the San Diego School board, as a secretary, and I am working with the Santee School district as a Substitute for Project Safe, an after school/summer program. It's nice to be working, but I wish that I had more hours, I only worked 2 days this week, because they didn't need any subs. So I am looking for another part time job which will bring in more money.

We are both really looking forward to going off to the School of Ministry this Fall, but if you all would keep us in your prayers that would be great, just that the Lord would help us find an affordable apartment, and good jobs.