Fun stuff

So lately I've been thinking about my childhood, and let me tell you I, for the most part, had a pretty good life. I remember playing with toys, playing the Avengers game on the trampoline, or even playing Donkey Kong Country 3, at night in the basement when the storms came and there were Tornado warnings. It's time like those that I look back on with fondness, and it causes me to miss my family. I especially right now miss my brothers. They are not just my brothers though, they are also my friends, so often I see siblings who hate each other, but that's not us, sure we may fight, but at the end of the day those two are probably some of my closest friends. I also miss my parents, and my sister and brother in law, and my Niece, I do wish I could be with them, and I hate that I cant be around them, and the thought makes me sad.

But then I think of the adventure that is ahead of me, the joys of getting married to my smart, beautiful and best of all God loving, Donna (she's got the full package), and how I am also getting involved with an amazing ministry here at Pathways being able to help with Overflow is just amazing, and something that I am excited to see what the Lord is going do with and through me in that ministry, and it makes me realize that while I miss my Family, He wants me here and so in that I'm content.

I know that God wants me here (for now) and who knows where He is going to send me in the next 5 years. So while I do love and miss my family, I realize that since God has me here, I am going to be more blessed doing what it is He wants me to do.

Growing up... slowly.

WIth less than 11 months till I am married to the beautiful Donna, I am beginning to get hit with a realization. I'm an adult. Now granted this is not something that surprised me, or even something that I didn't know before, but it just seems lately that the more I realize I need to do to be that husband, leader, and man that I am going to need to be, the more I realize that I am falling so short of this, this is for real, and I need to stop living like a kid who will have everything taken care of by another.

The more I get to know Donna, the more I realize that she is so much more ready to be that amazing wife, and wonderful mother (that part wont happen for years hopefully) than I am to be that great husband and loving father. I feel like I am missing something that I should inheritantly know like I somehow missed out on some major growing up event. Maybe it was the way I was raised, or maybe it's the fact that I tend to avoid difficult situations instead of confronting them head on, either way though I am at a point where I don't know what to do next or in those situations that I do know what to do, I don't know how.

I think for me the big issue is that while I know that this is something that everyone experiences, I at the same time am afraid that I am going to step out, try to be that amazing husband/provider for Donna and fail. Fail at being able to provide for her, fail at being able to lead her on the way of righteousness, fail to give her the security that she longs for.

Oh Lord, I am coming more and more to the conclusion that I am lacking in everything I need to be that husband, that leader, that MAN, that you are calling me to be. God I cannot guarentee her anything, so I am going to have to trust that you are going to provide for us as we are seeking to do what it is that you are calling us to. Help me to love Donna as you love your bride, the Church, and help me to grow up...

Unemployed

That's right, though this is not new news to most people I am no longer working at friendly grounds. Does this make me sad? No, it's a blessing, that just made me realize that the work that the Lord had for me there has apparently been complete. So I'm now anxiously awaiting what the Lord has for me next.

With that being said, I need a job. Not just a "college/high school" job either, something where I can "bring home the bacon," so to speak, so if you know of anything let me know. Until then I'll be filling out applications and praying for guidance and doing stuff.