Anyway, so I have a new layout, I got tired of my old one, and I figured it was time for a change... I hope you like it, I know I do.
So this week has been hard. On Saturday night I got sick, and I got worse. On Monday I went to class, and I was so sick that I went home after my first class and slept, but because it was my second day, I still went to work. And then on Wednesday Donna caught my illness. My mom thinks it was the swine flu, but because I didn't grow a curly tail, and have an intense desire to roll in the mud (at least any more than usual) I think it might have just been the regular flu. I'm finally feeling not dead, and I think Donna is feeling much better as well.
Yesterday, when driving to class, my car started to sputter, and eventually died. Praise the Lord that it died right by a mechanic, which was also in walking distance from where I live, so I was able to drop it off there and walk home. Long story short, it cost 425 to repair and it still needs more maintenance done to it, but it at least drives...
So, all that to say that this week was rough. But God was good, and kept us alive and going, even when in my tiredness and frustration, I began to doubt Him. Thank you Lord for providing for us, and keeping us safe. Please continue to do so.
Anyway, something else I noticed is that I lack discipline. Especially when it comes to the areas of daily devotion and prayer . Now I know that this is something a lot of people struggle with, but I'm seeing all the more now how much I NEED it. While this is of course obvious to any believer, it has really been hitting me hard lately.
It all started the other day when Donna was at Starbucks, and, long story short a man walked by her and and said "I just wanted to say, that I felt lead to tell you that God cherishes His time with you." When she told me that story, I could just hear God say to me, "I cherish my time with you too." And I realized that I do not spend enough time with Him.
Now you'd think that that would have changed my heart and I am now spending hours upon hours with Him. But the truth is, while for that day, things may have been better, I got preoccupied with other things, and next thing you know I realize that I have not spent time with God in over a week. Sure I go to class and learn about the Word, sure I may go to church and worship and hear a good sermon, but how much time have I spent before the Throne of Grace myself? Little.
And when I do come to Him it's usually because I have a problem, or because I feel guilted into it. And I hate that.
Yet this has been a consistent pattern in my life...
Now, I'm not entirely sure how, but this has got to change. Because God is way too important not to be the number 1 priority in my life.
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2 comments:
I hear your heart, Aaron, and want to encourage you. I personally have found that asking God to change me is the best bet. If it's important to HIM, He'll help it be important to you.
One of the names of God has been on my mind and heart lately, and I want to share it with you: "Jehovah Qanna". It means "The Lord is Jealous". The next question should be: jealous over what? The answer: YOU. He is jealous over YOU. He rejoices over you with singing. This should make you smile. If you are feeling guilty, rebuke the feeling (the enemy loves guilt, God loves conviction)
I love that when the Lord puts something on your heart, you heed it. You put your heart and mind into making it a part of who you are in Him.
Long story, short summary: He loves you, desires to spend time with you, and His grace is sufficient for you.
I know how you feel. I remember talking to my chaplain at school about spending time with God.
He said that when we forget to eat a meal we don't spend time feeling bad or getting down on ourselves. We simply feed ourselves.
He told me that if I forget to do my Bible study, I should just sit down and do it. Not waste time asking for God's forgiveness for being such a bad Christian.
It's helped me a lot.
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