Well school started last thursday, and I am now about halfway through my first week there. Donna and I are still in the process of moving into our apartment, and we are excited that we finally got internet in this place.
But meanwhile, things between me and the Lord don't seem as fine. Lately, I've been feeling like He's disappointed in me, and I've been also feeling sometimes almost overwhelming feelings of fear, and worry, about class, about finances, about time management, and to top it off, I have been feeling spiritually inadequate when it comes to the school of ministry.
I talk to the guys, and they all have ministries they are all involved in, and they just seem to be on a spiritual level way past me, which makes it very hard to try to relate to. and I just feel... frustrated I guess. and I hate it, I'm supposed to be the one who is encouraging Donna, but I find that she more often is the one who has to encourage me. I just feel like a shadow has descended upon me.
Now I know that to some degree that this is a spiritual attack, and also to some degree it is just because I feel uncomfortable. But I just need that peace that comes from the Lord, I need His guidance, and I need His strength. So if you all could pray for me about that that would be awesome.
Now one of my favorite titles of God is redeemer. How He takes what is broken down, that which is messy and worthless to many people, and how He takes it and makes something new, and beautiful out of it. God I pray that you do that. Redeem this time, use even this time of trial and make something beautiful out of it. I do not want to spend this time being a mopey sourpuss. So God take this time, and make something out of it. Something that glorifies you.
Sorry if this post was a bit down. But being able to write this out actually helped me to process this stuff a lot quicker and better.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Prayer
It's only 2 weeks before the School of ministry begins, and we still do not have an apartment, or any form of gainful employment. And this is frustrating me to no end, I know that God wants me here, I know that He wants me to be going go the school of ministry, yet He still has not given me what I need to be able to survive there, and I hate that.
I hear about those stories of God coming in at the last minute and providing everything that people need, and I am hoping that that will be the case with us as well. But what if I read the signals wrong? What if I am not called to go to Costa Mesa, what then? I have placed all my attention on this one thing because I felt that that is where the Lord is leading me, and I really have no backup plan. So if you could pray for me and Donna right now about that that would be great, you can read the rest of my blog when you are done, it'll still be here.
Lately, because of this situation, I have been praying a lot. However, something that Donna mentioned to me in passing really made me think. Where has my prayer focus been lately? Prayer is supposed to be communication between me and God, however, I believe that I have begun to mess that idea up.
See, as of late, my prayers consist primarily of me asking God for things, like a job, or an apartment, or peace, or many other things. Now praying for these things are not bad. But, my prayer life has switched from spending time talking with and getting to know God, to that of a boy only talking to his Father so that he can get something. I'm reminded of the movie "Fools Gold" (The movie was ok, not really worth seeing). Now in that movie, we have a rich father, whose relationship with his daughter essentially revolves around her asking her dad for things, and then him giving them to her.
That's not what God wants, and that is not what I want. Paul commands us in 1 Thessalonians 5 to pray without ceasing. While this shows us how our attitude should be, one of constant communication with our Lord, it also shows us God's heart in that He wants to be a part of every activity. He wants to be intimately involved with every activity, and sadly instead I mostly only come to Him when I need money.
It is so good to hear when God tells me these things. So now as I pray I'm not just going to give God my list of things I need, but instead meditate on Him, and His Word, and spend time in Koininia with Him.
I hear about those stories of God coming in at the last minute and providing everything that people need, and I am hoping that that will be the case with us as well. But what if I read the signals wrong? What if I am not called to go to Costa Mesa, what then? I have placed all my attention on this one thing because I felt that that is where the Lord is leading me, and I really have no backup plan. So if you could pray for me and Donna right now about that that would be great, you can read the rest of my blog when you are done, it'll still be here.
Lately, because of this situation, I have been praying a lot. However, something that Donna mentioned to me in passing really made me think. Where has my prayer focus been lately? Prayer is supposed to be communication between me and God, however, I believe that I have begun to mess that idea up.
See, as of late, my prayers consist primarily of me asking God for things, like a job, or an apartment, or peace, or many other things. Now praying for these things are not bad. But, my prayer life has switched from spending time talking with and getting to know God, to that of a boy only talking to his Father so that he can get something. I'm reminded of the movie "Fools Gold" (The movie was ok, not really worth seeing). Now in that movie, we have a rich father, whose relationship with his daughter essentially revolves around her asking her dad for things, and then him giving them to her.
That's not what God wants, and that is not what I want. Paul commands us in 1 Thessalonians 5 to pray without ceasing. While this shows us how our attitude should be, one of constant communication with our Lord, it also shows us God's heart in that He wants to be a part of every activity. He wants to be intimately involved with every activity, and sadly instead I mostly only come to Him when I need money.
It is so good to hear when God tells me these things. So now as I pray I'm not just going to give God my list of things I need, but instead meditate on Him, and His Word, and spend time in Koininia with Him.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Costa Mesa, The Aspens, and more!
Well, just yesterday Donna and I got back from visiting Costa Mesa, and let me tell you it was pretty interesting. Sunday we went to Chuck Smith's church (which you can read about by going to Donna's blog which is right there on the right hand side of this page marked "Donna Lovie.") The next day Donna and I spent most of the day looking at apartments, and it began to get frustrating, most of the places we looked were too expensive, and it was hot outside. So, being tired and warm, Donna and I began to grouch at each other, Donna would complain about my driving, I would complain that she needs to quit nagging me... it was a whole deal. Around this time, I had us stop, and we prayed, about the apartment situation, and about our attitudes, just giving them up to the Lord, and asking Him for wisdom.
It was then, that we discovered the most amazing apartments in existence. The Apartments were known as the Aspens, and the atmosphere there was amazing, it was close to the school, and at a price that we could afford, 1 bedroom, 1 bath, gated community, with 4 swimming pools. It was amazing. This all leads back to really what I wanted to briefly talk about.
That night, as Donna was sleeping, I became filled with doubts. I was attacked with questions and statements going anywhere from "How are you going to afford to live, here? Where are you going to get a job?" "All this stuff is too big of a hassle. This calling to ministry is for other people who have more faith, just go back to San Diego, and get a job in construction or something." to "With both of you having to work, you'll never see each other and Donna will eventually leave you for someone who will be able to give her quality time." All of these I knew weren't from God, but I just felt overwhelmed by this attack.
I was freaking out. So I got up, and meditated on the Word. God gave me two passages that really encouraged me. Matthew 7:7-11, and 1 Timothy 6:17.
Through the Matthew Passage, I was reminded that God is good, all His gifts are good, and He loves giving gifts to His children when we ask him for them. So often I subconsciously think that God gives, but only the bare minimum, or gives gifts that are good for me, but not something that I want. Like getting socks for your birthday from your grandparents when you really wanted a transformer.
-This passage reminded me though, that God loves giving gifts to his children, and that I shouldn't expect the gifts God gives to me to suck.
In the other passage, Paul commands that those who are rich to not put their trust in their riches, but instead in Him who gives us all thing.
My fears, were based on the fact that I was trying to do just that. I was trying to figure out a way to get enough riches to be able to afford everything, and it was bringing me to a point of despair. While I am in no way rich, I was trying to trust my own abilities, my own schemes, as a way to figure out how to survive, instead of trusting in the God who is able to do more than we can ask or think.
Really my issue came down to my lack of faith in the Lord, I said that I trusted Him, but the reality is my attitude proved otherwise. So that night I wrote out all my doubts and fears onto a piece of paper, and like Hezekiah in 2 Kings 19, I spread this piece of paper out before the Lord. It was at that point that I truly through much prayer and tears, that I finally gave it all over to my Jesus. And like Philippians 4:6-7 said, the peace of God which transcends all understanding began to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Where there was once fear there was now joy, where there was dread there was now excitement.
Now I don't know how this is going to work out, where we are going to live, or where we are going to work. But like a kid who is moving away, not entirely sure where he's going. I trust that my Dad will handle all the details.
It was then, that we discovered the most amazing apartments in existence. The Apartments were known as the Aspens, and the atmosphere there was amazing, it was close to the school, and at a price that we could afford, 1 bedroom, 1 bath, gated community, with 4 swimming pools. It was amazing. This all leads back to really what I wanted to briefly talk about.
That night, as Donna was sleeping, I became filled with doubts. I was attacked with questions and statements going anywhere from "How are you going to afford to live, here? Where are you going to get a job?" "All this stuff is too big of a hassle. This calling to ministry is for other people who have more faith, just go back to San Diego, and get a job in construction or something." to "With both of you having to work, you'll never see each other and Donna will eventually leave you for someone who will be able to give her quality time." All of these I knew weren't from God, but I just felt overwhelmed by this attack.
I was freaking out. So I got up, and meditated on the Word. God gave me two passages that really encouraged me. Matthew 7:7-11, and 1 Timothy 6:17.
Through the Matthew Passage, I was reminded that God is good, all His gifts are good, and He loves giving gifts to His children when we ask him for them. So often I subconsciously think that God gives, but only the bare minimum, or gives gifts that are good for me, but not something that I want. Like getting socks for your birthday from your grandparents when you really wanted a transformer.
-This passage reminded me though, that God loves giving gifts to his children, and that I shouldn't expect the gifts God gives to me to suck.
In the other passage, Paul commands that those who are rich to not put their trust in their riches, but instead in Him who gives us all thing.
My fears, were based on the fact that I was trying to do just that. I was trying to figure out a way to get enough riches to be able to afford everything, and it was bringing me to a point of despair. While I am in no way rich, I was trying to trust my own abilities, my own schemes, as a way to figure out how to survive, instead of trusting in the God who is able to do more than we can ask or think.
Really my issue came down to my lack of faith in the Lord, I said that I trusted Him, but the reality is my attitude proved otherwise. So that night I wrote out all my doubts and fears onto a piece of paper, and like Hezekiah in 2 Kings 19, I spread this piece of paper out before the Lord. It was at that point that I truly through much prayer and tears, that I finally gave it all over to my Jesus. And like Philippians 4:6-7 said, the peace of God which transcends all understanding began to guard my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Where there was once fear there was now joy, where there was dread there was now excitement.
Now I don't know how this is going to work out, where we are going to live, or where we are going to work. But like a kid who is moving away, not entirely sure where he's going. I trust that my Dad will handle all the details.
Friday, July 10, 2009
My 1st post as a married man!
Wow, it's my first blog as a married man. How exciting.
Well I guess I should be talking about the wedding, but to be honest, it was kind of a blur. I'm sure once I see the pictures I will remember everything. All I really remember was seeing Donna in that dress for the first time... To be quite honest it blew me away. She looked beautiful. I'm sure I was smiling from ear to ear, interestingly enough it wasn't until that moment that it truly hit me that I was going to marry this woman, and that gave me joy.
The honeymoon was amazing! Donna and I got a 3 day pass to Disneyland, and it was nice being able to just go to the park at our leisure. The weather was great, and the lines were not very long at all. In fact Donna and I talked about it, and we don't think that we waited longer than 20 minutes for any ride.
The hotel we stayed at was also pretty nice as well, and we got an awesome deal, we stayed in the travelodge, which was within walking distance to the park, and because we reserved the rooms early, the hotel was only $55, a night which was an amazing deal, especially for that area.
It's nice being back in San Diego, but now that we are married, Donna and I both feel the urge to go off on our own. It's really true what the Bible says about the man leaving his parents and being joined to his wife, we are ready to completely leave the "child stage" and enter into a whole new stage of life. That's not to say that I don't love Donna's folks, because I do, they are amazing, but it's time to have us go out and stand on our own two feet (With the Lord's help)
As many of you probably know, Donna and I both have jobs right now which is nice, Donna is working for the San Diego School board, as a secretary, and I am working with the Santee School district as a Substitute for Project Safe, an after school/summer program. It's nice to be working, but I wish that I had more hours, I only worked 2 days this week, because they didn't need any subs. So I am looking for another part time job which will bring in more money.
We are both really looking forward to going off to the School of Ministry this Fall, but if you all would keep us in your prayers that would be great, just that the Lord would help us find an affordable apartment, and good jobs.
Well I guess I should be talking about the wedding, but to be honest, it was kind of a blur. I'm sure once I see the pictures I will remember everything. All I really remember was seeing Donna in that dress for the first time... To be quite honest it blew me away. She looked beautiful. I'm sure I was smiling from ear to ear, interestingly enough it wasn't until that moment that it truly hit me that I was going to marry this woman, and that gave me joy.
The honeymoon was amazing! Donna and I got a 3 day pass to Disneyland, and it was nice being able to just go to the park at our leisure. The weather was great, and the lines were not very long at all. In fact Donna and I talked about it, and we don't think that we waited longer than 20 minutes for any ride.
The hotel we stayed at was also pretty nice as well, and we got an awesome deal, we stayed in the travelodge, which was within walking distance to the park, and because we reserved the rooms early, the hotel was only $55, a night which was an amazing deal, especially for that area.
It's nice being back in San Diego, but now that we are married, Donna and I both feel the urge to go off on our own. It's really true what the Bible says about the man leaving his parents and being joined to his wife, we are ready to completely leave the "child stage" and enter into a whole new stage of life. That's not to say that I don't love Donna's folks, because I do, they are amazing, but it's time to have us go out and stand on our own two feet (With the Lord's help)
As many of you probably know, Donna and I both have jobs right now which is nice, Donna is working for the San Diego School board, as a secretary, and I am working with the Santee School district as a Substitute for Project Safe, an after school/summer program. It's nice to be working, but I wish that I had more hours, I only worked 2 days this week, because they didn't need any subs. So I am looking for another part time job which will bring in more money.
We are both really looking forward to going off to the School of Ministry this Fall, but if you all would keep us in your prayers that would be great, just that the Lord would help us find an affordable apartment, and good jobs.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The calm before the storm
This week there is stuff that needs to be done, but life has definitely slowed down, which is nice. It's hard to believe that in about 11 days I am going to be a married man. I'm not really nervous about it at all except to say that at that point I HAVE to be the leader, and I'm going to need also to be providing for her. So while I'm am super excited to be getting married, being the husband that Donna needs is not something that comes naturally.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Camp, coyote hunting, and being a man
So as I posted in my last blog, last week I went to camp. It was definitely an interesting experience. The camp had 3 Catholic private schools 6th graders come for the week for "educational fun." Where the kids basically had to sit around, in class, and learn about living in the wild instead of actually going out and learning out in nature which I thought was kind of lame, but I tried to make sure that my guys had fun.
Overall the week was pretty fun though, my friends Lucas and Ed were there, and so we were able to hang out while the kids were in class, and talk about everything that was going on in out lives, women, and theology which I loved.
My kids were pretty good too, while they were talkers, they were respectful to me in that when I told them to do something they listened. Which was nice!
M biggest problem with the camp was that because it was a Catholic week, we were not to talk to them about anything that was contrary to the Catholic faith. Which, to be honest, I didn't follow. When my kids said things like, Mary is going to come with Jesus to Redeem humanity (granted it was in 6th grade vernacular) I had to set them strait biblically. But for the most part this was not really an issue.
On the last night, at about 11pm, Lucas comes running into my cabin, and tells me that they caught a wolf in this one kitchen area. So I hopped out of bed and went with him to go check it out. We soon found out though, that there were no wolves in the area and that what they caught was most likely a coyote. So armed with a broom and a couple of rakes, Ed, Lucas and I went to slay this ravenous beast. However when we got there we found nothing but a trash can that had been tipped over. The coyote had escaped.
At this point Lucas told Ed and I that he had always want to hunt a coyote, so we, armed with now 3 rakes and a flashlight, went out in search of coyote. After searching for about a half hour however, we began to realize that it was probably gone, and also that coyotes usually run in packs, so with the thought of having to kill an entire pack was not anywhere near as appealing.
While at camp, I listened to a sermon series on my iPod entitled "Biblical Manliness." The premise of the series is that society today is stripping men of biblical masculinity, and replacing it with either a wrong view, with men being confused, sex crazed, idiotic, hotheads, or with the view that masculinity is wrong.
Both of these views though are a slap in the face of biblical masculinity. But we as men need to return to the idea of defending women's honor instead of making them out to just be objects, we need to be willing to lead others even when it goes against what society says is okay, and we need to remember that there are times that it is not only right, but also necessary to fight. Men are not the same as women, God created us differently, and we need to celebrate that difference, and honor God with it.
Overall the week was pretty fun though, my friends Lucas and Ed were there, and so we were able to hang out while the kids were in class, and talk about everything that was going on in out lives, women, and theology which I loved.
My kids were pretty good too, while they were talkers, they were respectful to me in that when I told them to do something they listened. Which was nice!
M biggest problem with the camp was that because it was a Catholic week, we were not to talk to them about anything that was contrary to the Catholic faith. Which, to be honest, I didn't follow. When my kids said things like, Mary is going to come with Jesus to Redeem humanity (granted it was in 6th grade vernacular) I had to set them strait biblically. But for the most part this was not really an issue.
On the last night, at about 11pm, Lucas comes running into my cabin, and tells me that they caught a wolf in this one kitchen area. So I hopped out of bed and went with him to go check it out. We soon found out though, that there were no wolves in the area and that what they caught was most likely a coyote. So armed with a broom and a couple of rakes, Ed, Lucas and I went to slay this ravenous beast. However when we got there we found nothing but a trash can that had been tipped over. The coyote had escaped.
At this point Lucas told Ed and I that he had always want to hunt a coyote, so we, armed with now 3 rakes and a flashlight, went out in search of coyote. After searching for about a half hour however, we began to realize that it was probably gone, and also that coyotes usually run in packs, so with the thought of having to kill an entire pack was not anywhere near as appealing.
While at camp, I listened to a sermon series on my iPod entitled "Biblical Manliness." The premise of the series is that society today is stripping men of biblical masculinity, and replacing it with either a wrong view, with men being confused, sex crazed, idiotic, hotheads, or with the view that masculinity is wrong.
Both of these views though are a slap in the face of biblical masculinity. But we as men need to return to the idea of defending women's honor instead of making them out to just be objects, we need to be willing to lead others even when it goes against what society says is okay, and we need to remember that there are times that it is not only right, but also necessary to fight. Men are not the same as women, God created us differently, and we need to celebrate that difference, and honor God with it.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Going off to camp
So it was definitely a spur of the moment thing, but I am going off today to go to a camp for the week to be a counselor. This is going to be the longest time I've been apart from Donna. So I am probably going to miss her, but I think that tis is going to be good for us. If you all want to pray for me that'll be cool. I'll tell you all about the camp when I get back.
-Aaron
-Aaron
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)