WIth less than 11 months till I am married to the beautiful Donna, I am beginning to get hit with a realization. I'm an adult. Now granted this is not something that surprised me, or even something that I didn't know before, but it just seems lately that the more I realize I need to do to be that husband, leader, and man that I am going to need to be, the more I realize that I am falling so short of this, this is for real, and I need to stop living like a kid who will have everything taken care of by another.
The more I get to know Donna, the more I realize that she is so much more ready to be that amazing wife, and wonderful mother (that part wont happen for years hopefully) than I am to be that great husband and loving father. I feel like I am missing something that I should inheritantly know like I somehow missed out on some major growing up event. Maybe it was the way I was raised, or maybe it's the fact that I tend to avoid difficult situations instead of confronting them head on, either way though I am at a point where I don't know what to do next or in those situations that I do know what to do, I don't know how.
I think for me the big issue is that while I know that this is something that everyone experiences, I at the same time am afraid that I am going to step out, try to be that amazing husband/provider for Donna and fail. Fail at being able to provide for her, fail at being able to lead her on the way of righteousness, fail to give her the security that she longs for.
Oh Lord, I am coming more and more to the conclusion that I am lacking in everything I need to be that husband, that leader, that MAN, that you are calling me to be. God I cannot guarentee her anything, so I am going to have to trust that you are going to provide for us as we are seeking to do what it is that you are calling us to. Help me to love Donna as you love your bride, the Church, and help me to grow up...
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2 comments:
Well, while you will be the leader of your home, family, and their spiritual leader as well, just remember it is 49/51 division. That means that you share this awesome thing called growing up together.
Besides, much of it is OJT (on the job training) so don't sweat it so much, you learn as you go.
God knows your heart and your love for Donna, He will give you discernment and knowledge as you ask for it. Have faith in yourself!
Your future outlaw,
J
Well! I think you're in a great place. If you will consider the awesome fact that 'when we are weak, then HE is strong', you will come out all right.
I think it's a sign of maturity to see what you are lacking in the position you are called to. So, then we recall that 'He will supply you with all you need', and that 'He who calls you is able to do it' (1 thess 5:17).
You need these 11 months to learn. To grow. To consider. To become a provider. To humbly submit yourself to God to see what kind of spouse and friend HE has called you to be. Husband...that comes the day of the wedding, so don't rush it.
He gave you to Donna. I think He can see to the rest of the picture. Don't you?
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